Thursday, January 26, 2012

Bloodsucking Babes from Burbank (2006)

Directed by Kirk Bowman
Starring many hot girls in their underwear

"Sexy cannibals who will touch your heart...with their teeth!" 

Awesomely sleazy low-fi splatter comedy about warring teams of hot young archeologists (!) out to win some vague prize for digging up the most  compelling artifact in Burbank. Turns out there’s a mystical, magical jewelry box buried deep in the ancient hills of upper Burbank, and when the jewels inside the box are fondled by any woman, she grows plastic fangs and eats the nearest male. And that happens. A whole bunch of times.

This film has it all, really. It’s got a brain literally made out of jello. It’s got hilarious bits of junky CGI. It’s got a Pia Zadora lookalike who chews off a guy’s thumb. It’s got an incredibly hot blonde who poses in the woods in her panties, with her skin-tight jeans around her ankles, while she eats a dude’s arm. It’s got a non-nude shower scene that rivals Austin Powers for sheer, um, cheek. All the men in the film are buffoons or douchebags, and they all sorta resemble well-known character actors. There is very little nudity but an amazing amount of panty scenes, which seems much sleazier than nudity, for some reason.

None of it makes a lick of sense, but it all comes together seamlessly anyway. It’s like HG Lewis meets Russ Meyer in the bargain basement. Director Bowman is either a genius or a lunatic. I’d bank on the latter, but hope for the former. Whichever. If you’re looking for a low-budget, blood-splattered jiggle-fest that works just as well with your pants on or off, Bloodsucking Babes from Burbank is for you.

- Ken 

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