Sunday, July 31, 2011

10 Violent Women (1982)

Directed by Ted V. Mikels
Starring Sherri Vernon, Dixie Lauren, Sally Alice Gamble

"God dammit! No one speaks while I'ms talkin'! You understand that?"

From legendary cult director Ted V. Mikels, whose work includes such classics as Astro Zombies, The Corpse Grindersand Blood Orgy of the She Devils, comes a movie so full of action, laffs, and boners that verifying the actual number of "violent women" that actually appear in the film will probably be low on your list of things to do: 10 Violent Women!

A near 50/50 split between heist and women-in-prison film, 10 Violent Women is a movie that, due to its construction and non-stop unintentionally humorous awkwardness, never gets stale or boring, even if every element of the plot has been done to death before and that the damned pop/funk score never stops "bwanow" -in' away (P.S. :"bwanow" is my attempt to phonetically interpret the sound of "funk bass").

Anyway, "In the beginning...there were 10 good girls." (or so reads the introduction), but after an underpaid and oversexed male demolition expert who is working with a group of female gold miners (?!) [...]

[...] carelessly detonates some explosives in a cave while there is still a miner occupying it, the titular violent women kick the shit out of the jerk and decide to get out of the mining biz and take up armed robbery. Fair Enough.

The ladies quickly plot and execute a jewelry store hold-up, making off smoothly with nearly a million dollars in jewels.

Shortly thereafter, some Arabian dudes take off after the girls when they find out that they stole an ancient scarab thing that belongs to their "master", so that's not good.

The girls proceed to celebrate their successful (for the time being) getaway with a late night squirt gun fight in the park, which reminds me of this one time me and my nephew were...oh wait, that's not a real story. Anyhow, blah blah blah...nipples.

The ladies, high on life and adrenaline, head to Vegas to see a dude goes by the name'a Leo the Fence (director Ted V. Mikels himself), but when he offers them cocaine instead of cold hard cash, homeboy gets a bottle to the head. The ladies take their jewels back, plus the coke, and head for the hills; but not before Sheila stabs/stomps Leo to death with her high heel.

Later on at a Mexican food restaurant, Sheila approaches two dudes for no reason at all and tries to sell them some coke. Turns out the guys are undercover agents (!). Sheila ends up getting shot and the other girls get sent down the river.

Once locked up, the ladies have to deal with the sadistic and perverted section warden Ms. Terry and her uni-browed and mustachio'd religious wacko assistant Madge, as they work together to both seduce and punish the ladies in fittingly exploitative scenes of gratuitous S&M power play eroticism.

There's also some stone cold shower fightin', lady-on-lady action, which is fittingly awesome [...]

[...] and lusty lesbian lovers More and Chapin, who help the newly incarcerated gals concoct a plot to make a break for freedom.

Will they escape, or will they remain behind bars, prone and helpless to the whims of the warden? Its all pretty by-the-numbers, but no less the entertaining for it.

As my mathematical smartitude dictates: 1/2 heist movie + 1/2 women in prison film = 100% goodly entertainment. In addition to sweet content, the print and audio of the film is really nice as well.

It's like $6.00 from MVD, so you should probably buy it.

- Jeremy Vaca

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