Sunday, April 3, 2011

Wicked Lake (2008)

Directed by Zach Passero
Starring Carlee Baker, Eve Mauro, Robin Sydney, Eryn Joslyn

"Who's bleeding?"
"No one...yet."

If you don't want your memories of the 90's sullied, don't watch Al Jourgenson's intro, because he looks like somebody's fat, drunk uncle pretending to be Al Jourgenson. He also makes an appearance in the opening scene, which takes place in an art class and features some tasty nudity - in the very first shot of the movie - as well as a dude wearing a lavender glam-rock ensemble.

Said dandy is fella named Caleb (Mark Senter). He walks Ilene (Robin Sydney)-  the nude model from art class - home, and has an awkward conversation. He's like Crispin Glover dressed up like Marc Bolan or something.

He shows her the sketch he drew of her - it's a unicorn - and then he asks if he can touch her boobs. She says ok and whips one of 'em out, but before he can get his sweaty mitts on it, her sexy roommate shows up, and the party's over. He limps home, weeping, while Ministry bashes through Bang a Gong over the credits.

Anyway, he's part of some screwy Texas Chainsaw Massacre-type family. Ilene, on the other hand, lives with three hot girls. They make sweet lesbian love to each other. From the looks of things, they do that a lot.

Then they all head out on an all-girl road trip together in their bitchin' cobalt blue vintage Chevy.

They stop at a gas station and run into Angela Bettis as well as a few greasy, masturbating hillbillies. You know, the usual.

Eventually, they make it to a lake - probably a wicked one - where they sunbathe naked and swim naked and make-out naked. Then they head back to a cabin where they listen to old vinyl records and blow bubbles. It's pretty much the best weekend ever, until Caleb and his two creepy brothers show up to party. Then things get weird, especially when wheelchair grandpa shows up demanding a blowjob.

The girls and the creeps scuffle, and Caleb ends up dead, but in the end, the chicks get tied up and are subjected to various humiliations including spankings, the threat of sodomy, and blows-to-the-head with rocks. But then, just when things look their bleakest for our put-upon, labia-lovin' quartet, midnight rolls around and their true selves are revealed. Witches! Or demons. Or demon-witches. Something like that.

Meanwhile, the greasy masturbating hillbillies show up. Bad timing, fellas. And so the war between creepy backwoods would-be rapists and hot naked lesbian witches begins!

Wicked Lake is a tough call. I can't really recommend it - the Last House on the Left-y build-up is tiresome and ineffective, the misogyny is merely off-putting, not horrific, the acting - especially the male cast - is pretty hinky, the soundtrack blows (seriously, is anyone interested in hearing Prong ever again?) and the always-entertaining Tim Thomerson is wasted in a slim subplot as a coke-snorting, handlebar-mustachioed cop on the trail of the killer girls. On the other hand, there's a pretty fuckin' outrageous Bloodsucking Freaks homage, the opening scene is hilarious off-kilter, the saturated colors give the film a unique, cartoony look, and let us not forget that Wicked Lake stars four gorgeous girls who are naked and tongue-kissing for half the movie. So I guess I'd suggest jerking off to the good parts, and napping through the rest.

- Ken McIntyre 

1 comment:

  1. Damn, a Tim Thomerson bait-and-switch. That's how this one ended up on my radar too.


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.


Related Posts with Thumbnails