Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Whisper Kill (1988)

Directed by Christian I. Nyby II
Starring Loni Anderson, Joe Penny, June Lockhart

"You're a sicko, and all of your ancestors are slime!"

I just spent the last hour and a half watching this lame-o TV movie from 1988 because its got Loni Anderson in it. First of all, I'd like to say that I thought it was an R-rated movie. I thought this because Netflix said it was. It is not. But I thought it was, and it's supposed to be about a serial killer and the intrepid reporter (Loni) hot on his tail, and even though I know Loni is never going to get naked, hope springs eternal. And by the time I figured out it was a TV movie (i.e. about three minutes in, Stacey said, "This looks like a TV movie. Yep. This is a TV movie"), it was too late. I was now committed.

So, here's the story: some crazy lady is killing people in some small town and before she does, she calls up the victim and whispers death threats to him/her. And then they get (bloodlessly) stabbed to death. Liz Bartlett (Loni) runs the local paper. Her mom (June Lockhart from Lost in Space) is some sort of Dear Abby-esque celebrity. Dan Walker (Joe Penny, AKA Jake from Jake and the Fatman) is a freelance journalist who shows up in town to figure this whole mess out.

He finds out from mom that Liz spent a few years locked up in an asylum, so, even though he's now in love with her, he assumes Loni is the killer, especially when she dresses up in black jeans and a black turtleneck, which is classic murderous madwoman attire.

Spoiler alert: It's not Loni.
Spoiler alert 2: It's her mother. Which isn't hard to figure out, since she's the only other woman in the movie.

Sorry about blowing the ending for you, but I really wanted to spare you the tedium. The only highpoint of the entire motion picture is this shot:

If I didn't have a 24 hour porn machine at my fingertips, I would be very grateful for that scene.

Thank you, and good night.

- Ken McIntyre

1 comment:

  1. Man, I must be the only male on the planet who doesn't think Loni Anderson was hot. I always lusted after the mousy girl on WKRP.


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