Friday, January 28, 2011

Bartenders (2010)

Directed by Joanna Angel
Starring Joanna Angel, Kylee Kross, Kleio, Moretta Coxx
Rated X
USA

"Can I show you our gender-neutral bathroom - for sex?

Hot on the heels of the wildly successful blockbuster, Coyote Ugly, comes Burning Angel's aptly named Bartenders. Yeah, yeah ... I realize Coyote Ugly came out like a bajillion years ago, but does that really matter? (The answer is no.)

"What in the world could Bartenders be about", I hear you ask yourself with exasperation and utter confusion. Well, surprisingly enough, Bartender is about...spoiler alert...bartenders! (Oh, and thanks for not questioning how in the hell I can hear what you're thinking - that would've just been awkward.)

Joanna Angel (who needs a character name when you're Joanna-fucking-Angel!?) is the fun-loving proprietor of the down and dirty dive bar called Joanna's Ugly Saloon. Joanna and fellow bartenders, Kylee Kross, Kleio and Dana DeArmond, strive not only to serve up stiff drinks, but also stiffen (or moisten, as the case may be) up the wild and horny clientèle with their hot tabletop dancing, sexy body shots, or whatever else they feel inspired to do at the time.


Everything's going hunky dory until party-pooper health inspector Mick Blue comes in tellin' the ladies that they have to follow something called a "health code", and you know, can't go around drippin' fluids all over the place - even in the co-ed bathroom.


Now it's up to the ladies of Joanna's Ugly to step up and ensure that their livelihood doesn't get the axe. And, of course, this involves lots and lots of fucking. Which is pretty much the best way to get shit done; am I right?


Once again, Joanna and her fellow Burning Angels provide ample amounts of hilariously goofy hijinks and hours upon hours of some of the hottest sex in the industry.


I can honestly admit that I wasn't particularly thrilled at the prospect of watching a movie based on another movie that I never had any interest in seeing, but Joanna and company bring the awesome - as usual - and make a subject as potentially bland as bartending worth viewing (many, many times over, at that).

Although all the scenes here are scorching hot (including the afore-pictured 4 girl daisy chain, Mason Moore's G-spot exploding threesome, and Kylee Kross's tasteful DP finale), the highlight for me has to be fiery-haired and brace-mouthed waif Moretta Coxx in a particularly amazing scene that features some of the most acrobatic and flexible sex I've seen in quite some time; of which will just have to to seen to be believed.


Despite the slightly unimaginative title (I guess calling it Joanna's Ugly wouldn't have been the best option) and non-descript cover art, AVN Award nominated Bartenders will not disappoint you. Check it out at Burningangel.com. Now.


- Jeremy Vaca

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