Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Snatched! Curse of the Pink Panties 2

Directed by Kirk Bowman
Starring Danielle Kreinik, Kira Turnage, Danilo Mancinelli
Unrated
USA

"My panties were made for love, not evil!"

From the clearly brilliant mind of dimestore-budget auteur Kirk Bowman comes this long-awaited sequel to his magnum opus, 2007's Curse of the Pink Panties. In that film, a gaggle of gangster doofuses end up shooting each other in a botched jewel heist, and their wayward souls ends up - via voodoo and an internet contest - trapped in a several girls' panties. Pink ones. By films' end, their spirits are finally released from their cotton cages, but you know how curses go...there's always some nasty caveat.

Hey, here's a hand life lesson: when getting together for goof-off time, girls like to strip down to their underwear. That's nice to know.  That's exactly what happens in the opening scene, when two girls, Silvia (Elisa Elliot) and Tammy (Christine Aimerito) get together to make a birthday video for a lucky boyfriend. One of them happens to be wearing the haunted panty brand from the first movie. Said panties aren't haunted yet, but it's clearly just a matter of time.




Meanwhile, Faith (Deanna Noe), a psychic detective, and her boyfriend Judd (Robert Ozeran) rifle through their latest pile of evidence and find the offending magic underwear from the first film. The femme-detective tries 'em on (is that hygienic?), and naturally, the gangster-ghosts come back to life (as floating, disembodied heads), punching out the dude and tossing him into the street. When he comes to, he goes to a bar for a stiff one. The bar looks more like a basement, but close enough.


Also meanwhile, Kelly (Krienik) and Sophie (Turnage), the survivors from the first adventure, start their own live blog to talk about their experiences. During their first episode, they get an offer for a job that only they can do. Seems legit. They decide to check it out.


Back at the bar, Judd chats up the big-breasted bartender, who tells him that she's into paranormal mumbo-jumbo, and invites him to join her the following day, when she visits her pal the psychic. Done deal.


Meanwhile, Faith's been kidnapped by a biker chick who chains her to a table and sucks out the panty ghosts with a giant bone.


Panty mayhem goes down at the psychics, including a flamethrower to the vadge (!). When it's all over, everyone's mission is clear - they must journey to the top of Panty Mountain and rub paranormal gel on the underwear spirits to free them.


I know, it sounds like I'm just riffing off the top of my head at this point, but that's really what's up.


Silvia actually does end up with haunted panties, but now Tammy doesn't believe her. While Tammy slurps down ice cream in the front yard, the spirits drag Silvia right through the window and float her in the air. She gets dropped into a landfill while the ghosts go to a hot air balloon festival.


While all of this madness goes on, Kelly and Sophie -and Madame Dubois, the inventor of the pink panties - find themselves forced to work for the biker chick (in camo panties) to trap more spirits. They're pretty bummed by the whole deal.


And then it all goes down on the mountainside. Ghosts, panties, conspiracies revealed, friendships strained, alliances formed, genders bent! It's pretty nuts. I mean, even nuttier than the previous 75 minutes.


As with all of Bowman's films, there's a fizzy, light-hearted effervescence to Snatched, even at its most potentially vulgar moments. And when you consider that the movie's premise is based on creepy middle-aged dudes hiding out in girls' underpants - while they're wearing them - there's obviously a lot of potential for vulgarity. Also like other Bowman joints, Snatched is extremely low-budget: the production is threadbare, the special effects look like they were cooked up in a cable-access studio, and some of the actors show a lot more enthusiasm than talent. None of this detracts from the experience, however. In fact, it enhances the production; it's like watching a real-life Waiting for Guffman, only all the girls are in their underwear and there's a fat maniac running around in a bikini. It's almost impossible not to get swept up in the giddy, adolescent glee of it all.


Bowman vets Turnage and Krienik are both fetching and funny in their returning roles, and the new crew of panty-girls - particularly the delightfully curvy, big-eyed Aimerito - are a welcome addition to the roster.


High-brow types should stay miles away, but adventurous B-movie fans - especially anyone with a soft-spot  for 80's SOV gurus like John Wintergate (Boardinghouse) or Donald Farmer (Cannibal Hookers) - as well as, you know, anyone that likes to look at girls in their underwear - will want to (ahem) snatch  up a copy of Snatched post haste.


Check out Kirk Bowman's website, Cranium Candy, for more info.

- Ken McIntyre

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