Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Electrical Girl (2001)

Directed by Bowie Lau
Starring Sophie Ngan Chin Man, Charlie Cho, Shu-Kei Wong
Hong Kong

"Put on more condoms and it'll look bigger."

Jan (Sophie Ngan Chin Man) was born with a fully-wired g-spot. If she orgasms, sparks literally fly. Having already irreparably damaged dozens of excitable young men along the way, Jan has decided that it's probably best if she avoids boys altogether. Luckily, she can self-stimulate pretty successfully with light bulbs. So that's what she does, a few times a day. Sometimes she even 'lights up' in the bath tub, which seems wildly dangerous.

Jan works in a nondescript office where she spends most of her time chatting with her office-mates about which executive they'd like to bone and then marry. When her boss Leo (Shu-Kei Wong) - who Jan has had a secret crush on for some time - asks for a volunteer to work some overtime, the other girls goad Jan into doing it. They pull an all-nighter together, and when he accidentally falls asleep, she fondles him, just a little, imagining a romance novel-esque love making session. When he wakes up, he wonders why he's numb all over. She tells him that he accidentally stuck his finger into an electrical socket. Which is true, sorta.

Meanwhile, one of Jan's man-hungry friends goes to see Doctor Wong (Charlie Cho, Call Girls '94) complaining of a pain in her hand. When she gets there, she figures she might as well attempt to seduce him, so she takes out her boobs and asks him to check them for tumors. Sexy!

Doc Wong does not find any tumors. So he fucks her.

Jan asks her friend how the appointment went. She tells her it went pretty well. In fact, she says, "He might become my husband."
This does not throw Jan off. Maybe Chinese women fuck and marry their doctors all the time. Jan asks for his card so that she can make an appointment herself. Maybe this horny quack can rid her of her unfortunate condition.

After thoroughly examining her juiced-up vadge - and getting thoroughly shocked - the doctor tells her he can, indeed, fix her. He'll just have to bone her a few times first. Seems valid. In order to ensure that she does not kill him mid-coitus, he puts on a shock-proof plastic suit.

They have sex. She has one of her high voltage orgasms. The doctor survives. His penis, however, does not.

By the way, love and happiness are not Jan's only goals. There's also some orgasm lottery, the Mark Six, that she's trying to win. There's a sizable cash prize. I don't know how that works. We don't have orgasm lotteries in the US.

Jan tries again with Leo, but he admits that he's impotent, so she quits and gets a job as an escort at a sex club. Of course, since she has a tendency to fatally injure her lovers, she ends up with a very specific clientele. For example, one woman sends her over-eager husband to see Jan. He insists on having sex with the poor woman every night, causing her undue physical agony. One date with Jan, however, renders his penis charred and useless for months. Problem solved!

Jan settles into her new life as a callgirl, but Leo throws a monkey wrench into the works when he shows up at the club to profess his love for her. He's also pretty certain that her particular brand of electroshock therapy will cure his impotence. It's a dream come true!

Now all she has to do is quit her job. That's not going to be easy, now that the club has been taken over by Triad gangster Brother Kau, who is fond of breaking noses. When Jan threatens to quit, he demands that she have sex with him first. And to ensure that this tryst go down smoothly, he has Leo kidnapped.

You see where this is all going, right? They agree to meet at a motel. Jan opens the proceedings with a sexy striptease. The fact that she can turn on a lightbulb with her mouth and vagina should be a warning sign, but Kau's a bit of a moron.

How's it all end? Explosively!

A lighter than air sex comedy from low-budget slapstick mogul Lau (The Kung Fu Master is My Grandma), Electrical Girl is a relentlessly silly movie with a very odd worldview, one where women are relentlessly horny, but only have sex for status or cash, and orgasms are measured by their abilities to either win lotteries or blow up penises. Episodic and clunky, it is of interest mostly because of its adorable leading lady. Dollfaced and relentlessly chipper, Sophie Ngan Chin Man is a joy to watch, alternately drop-dead sexy and laugh out loud goofy, sometimes in the same scene. I look forward to seeing her again, preferably in something without so many mutilated genitals.

- Ken McIntyre


  1. I ain't tryin' to sound racist or nothin', but holy shit, they're nuts in that part of the world. I must see this.

  2. Yeah, you're right. Reading this back, I realize this is fucking crazy.


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