Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Swinging Sorority (1976)

Directed by Don Trendall
Starring Ann Marie, Donna Hart, Susie Carlson
Rated X

"There's a good chance you'll get to ride on the float."

Ok, so nobody's expecting high quality filmmaking from no-budget, mid 70's grindhouse scuzz like this, but I don't think Don Trendall was even trying with this one. Getting through the first half-hour of Swinging Sorority feels more like an act of defiance than anything else - the random, aimless footage, the awkward, fumbling porn sequence, the laughable voice-looping - it basically dares you to keep watching, despite the fact that you know, deep in your heart-of-hearts, that it will offer no payoff for your precious wasted time.

So why bother at all? Because this is - supposedly - the only other (semi) legit place to peep Miss Eufala Roop herself, gravity-defying Russ Meyer girl Ann Marie*. The runaway star of 1979's Beneath the Valley of the Ultravixens, Ann Marie's breathless, innuendo-jammed orations and awe-inspiring curves turned many boys into men over the decades. Tragically, it was her last role, and besides a blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo in Russ Meyer's magnum opus Supervixens, Swinging Sorority Girls is the only other film she did. And it's horrible. But it's apparently got Ann Marie in it, so we must endure it.

There's this dive bar where all the local frat assholes go to swill Schlitz. That's where most of this ugly mess takes place. Apparently there's a bedroom in the back, because two hippies go back there to fuck. The sound goes out midway through, so it looks like a silent 8MM loop. In the bar, a couple of fledgling sorority sisters complain about school.

"I wish I could join the sorority," says Karen, the round-faced, Rachel Ray-esque girl. "But I'm not sure I'll be able to.I'm not doing too good with my grades. I'm just not that into studying."
"Well," says her bra-less friend Lynn, "Maybe you should just, like...make it with your professors."
"Yeah, maybe I will," says Karen. "That's a good idea."
Exactly three minutes later, this same conversation is looped back in, presumably to pad out the scene.

So then, the frat brothers tell a skinny girl with a brassy wig named Marybeth that they've chosen her for homecoming queen, but if she wants to ride on the float with the football team, she'll have to endure the initiation ceremony. She agrees, so they take her back to the frat house and spray paint her gold.

And then they gang bang her on a waterbed. Once again, this scene is loaded with sound-loops. Some dude says, "C'mon guys, give Poochie a turn!" about 17 times during this scene. Also, it's shot so that all you can really see during the gang bang is the ass of whichever dude is fucking her. And this all goes on for about ten solid minutes.

One of the gangbang guys looks like Abbie Hoffman. Another one is a deadringer for a skinny Glenn Danzig. So that's at least amusing.

Karen decides that yes, she will fuck her biology professor in order to pass his class and then be eligible for the sorority, but she chickens out at the last moment, and bails. So he just bangs some other coed. Luckily for Karen, she barges in on them when she returns later to pick up her missing book, and the prof gives her an A in the class in exchange for her silence. So she gets into the sorority. So does Lynn, who has since become a weed dealer.

With the scholastic/financial heat off, everybody fucks, half of them in a closet. There's also a lesbian hair brushing situation going on. And then everybody goes to the prom. All the guys that gangbanged her show up to take Marybeth. That's the big gag. The end.

But wait, where's Ann Marie?

Dunno. Didn't see her.

I paid $8.00 for this thing. This is turning out to be a bad day.

*Ann Marie's "real name" was Kathy Ayers. In the 70's, she reportedly made $4,000 a night as a stripper. You could buy a house with four grand in the 70's. Shortly after her Russ Meyer adventures, she moved with her family to Norway, where she most likely is right now, ice fishing and listening to Turbonegro and scoffing at idiots like us trying to find her in fuzzy X-rated movies from 1976.

PS: Here's 57 seconds of Ann Marie doing aerobics. Merry Christmas!

- Ken McIntyre

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