Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Lust in Space (2005)

Directed by John Bacchus
Starring AJ Khan, Darian Caine, Alexia Moore, Jackie Stevens
Unrated
USA

"Are you Jamaican? Because you're Jamaican me crazy!"

This 'Lust in Space' is not to be confused with the 80's porn flick of the same starring Ron Jeremy and Lana Burner. I kinda doubt you would confuse them, because this one has even less plot than the assfuck movie. It's the fourth film in the epic "Erotic Witch" series, a never-ending jiggle-fest starring various Seduction Cinema contract girls and their taut nipples in a variety of loopy situations. This time around, it's the year 2069 (You saw that coming, didn't you?) and three vapid spacegirls (the exotic AJ Khan, vampish Darian Caine, and giant-titted newbie Alexia Moore) all poured into skin-tight silver "space" bikinis, travel back in time to thwart the deadly "erotic witch" plague. This long and traumatic journey back to 2005 mostly involves the girls lounging around in their spaceship, which appears to be somebody's kitchen, if their kitchen was made of cheese, and melted. Sometimes they lick each other's nipples, and AJ yells a lot. When they finally make it back to our time, they wander around somebody' s backyard in those groovy outfits for the rest of the movie.

At some point, newcomer Jackie Stevens shows up, and has a l-o-n-g softcore sex scene with some dude inside the spaceship, which is now a hallway covered in tinfoil. The scene is a bit on the tedious side, but Stevens possesses a real girl-next-door sexiness. She sorta resembles a young Lynda Carter, and given the right roles, would make a great b-movie starlet in the Claudia Jennings vein. In this one, however, she has almost zero to do, besides dry-hump. That's all anyone does, really. There's no subplot to speak of, but there's plenty of the usual dumb, drooling redneck gags to pad the time between the 15 minute long lesbo romps.

If you came to gawk, then this is clearly a winner, as it's pretty much wall-to-wall pseudo-sex from end to end. But if you're looking for story, or plot, or anything engaging, forget it. The promo blurb on the back cover is probably longer than the script was. Still, even with so little to do, the up-for-it cast occasionally shines, especially Darian and AJ, who are quite amusing as the clueless space-bimbos.

- Ken McIntyre

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