Friday, September 11, 2009

Sex Pot (2009)

Directed by Eric Forsberg
Starring Rollin Perry, Seth Cassell, Michelle Penick, Rana Davis
Unrated
USA

"It's ok. Most guys fuck their sisters at least once."

The Asylum is an independent production house/distributor known mostly for their series of "Mockbusters", hastily produced rip-offs of popular films that usually hit the DVD shelves a week or so before the films they are aping. See Transmorphers, Terminators, or Snakes on a Train for three typical examples. Sex Pot follows the same basic formula. It grabs fistfuls of Superbad and Sex Drive for inspiration, shakes out any subtlety, and adds Mad Magazine-esque gross-out humor to the mix. The results are, at first glance, revolting. But as the movie slogs ever onwards, some twinkles of charm begin to pop up amidst all the toilet, sperm, and dick gags.

Spanky (Rollin Perry) and Mert (Seth Cassell, 18 Year Old Virgin) are two horny teenage goofballs who scheme their way into an adults-free weekend. Mert has his big brother's beer-and-porn filled apartment all to himself, and convinces the uptight Spanky to join him for two days worth of unbridled debauchery. And so it begins.

Their first order of business is to peep on the two girls who live next door. After peeking through the keyhole to watch the girls get dressed, they decide to take their voyeurism even further. They climb out of the window and on to the 'fire ledge' and get an eyeful of Cindy (Christine Nguyen, Bitch Slap), who walks into the bathroom and peels off her robe. Mert can't take the pressure, and starts masturbating wildly right there, but his boner is thwarted when Cindy plops down on the toilet seat and lets loose with a torrent of grunts. Confused and frightened at the sight of the pretty girl on the toilet, the boys rush back to the apartment, but find that the window was somehow closed on them, so they're stuck.

Cindy, finished with her bowel movement, looks out the window to see what the fuss is, and finds our two hapless heroes. She tells them they can go through her window to get home, but then she and her roommate Julie (Sarah Agor, Scream Queens, PG Porn) strip down to their lingerie and grant the two boys an impromptu lesbian S&M show.

And then they mace them and kick them in the nuts and throw them out.

So, the boys go back to Mert's brother's place, where they root around in his piles of junk until they find a box full of weed and "Caribbean porn". They light up and pop in the DVD. A woman on the video tells them the weed they're smoking is some special blend laced with an aphrodisiac, and the next thing you know, they're fucking watermelons and bagels.
"Ugg," grunts Spanky. "I'm fucking a bagel."
And indeed, he is.

They wake up several hours later cuddled together on the couch, covered in cream cheese and watermelon juice.
"What the fuck just happened?" Asks Spanky, as he yanks his pants up.
"That mumbo jumbo grass made us go homo," Mert decides, wiping the cream cheese off his lips. "Now you've got to suck my dick, so we're even."

Luckily, that homoerotic moment is interrupted when the girls next door ring the doorbell. Seems they're sorry for whaling on these idiots and invite them to a pool party at a friend's house. They hand Mert the address and split. Naturally, the fellas want to party, so they gather up all the drugs they can find. Mert wants to take his brother's SUV, but it's been splattered with gorilla shit by his bro's ex-girlfriend, a loony zoo keeper(!) named Pinky (Lindsey Ahern). It's ok, though. There's a bikini carwash around the corner.

It costs them $40, and the girls hated them, but I will agree with Mert, it was worth it.

Mert stops at a liquor store to pick up some tequila for the party (he plans on using his fishing license as an ID) while Spanky, suffering from a raging boner caused by the handful of Viagra his helpful buddy handed him, starts hallucinating about a mysterious sexy blonde who he thinks is calling him on Mert's brother's cellphone/GPS. It's actually Pinky the zookeeper/stalker. So she squawks at him, which does nothing for his erection. Meanwhile, Mert's fishing license scheme fizzles, so he asks a drunk guy in front of the liquor store to buy him booze. Of course, the guy takes the money and scrambles. Spanky wanders off and almost ends up sucking off a tranny hooker named Strawberry (Rana Davis). It's hijinks galore with these two.

Strawberry ends up getting their Tequila for them. In exchange, she and her galpal Princess (Michelle Penick, Dorm of the Dead) want a ride across town. So, off zooms this motley crew. Princess, who it turns out is still a whore-in-training, offers to blow Spanky for practice. He agrees, but before they get anywhere, a cop starts chasing them down. They toss the weed out the window, and when she lets them go, they go back looking for it. Mert and Spanky end up at a foul-mouthed three year old's party - they think some kids who found their pot are in the house - and Spanky is forced to give the kid a piggyback ride, while still suffering from a throbbing purple penis.

The kid is pretty annoying, but the mom (Elina Madison) is hot, and she offers to bone either or both of 'em. An inviting offer, but she's also got a daughter who's having a teenage house party in the basement. The fellas are sure that's where their weed went, so they go downstairs to look for it. Various bits of mayhem ensue. Spanky ends up in a bizarre game of spin the bottle with the teen creeps, who are all blitzed on the horny weed. A teenage Caligula orgy starts to develop. Upstairs, Mert ends up getting a face full of fat old lady boob, and then wrestles a 13 year old girl for the rest of the weed.

Spanky finally gets his turn at Spin the Bottle, and it lands on "Five minutes with the skank". Said skank is in an unlit room. Spanky enters the murk and proceeds to flop his still throbbing erection in said Skank's mouth. And then Mert comes roaring in, and flips on the light. Turns out the skank is Spanky's own sister, Ellen (Teryl Brouilette). Yikes.
"You're such a loser, Spanky", spits Ellen. "You don't even know how to eat pussy."

Spanky's a little woozy from that encounter, but Mert encourages him to shake it off. Pinky shows up to kill them with a shovel, but changes her mind when Mert sweet-talks her. "Plenty of guys would suck an elephant's balls to get with a sweet piece of ass like you," he says.
"You're so nice!" Coos Pinky.
So, Pinky, Strawberry, Princess, and the boys all pile into the car and head to the party in Malibu.

The soiree is happening at a swank estate somewhere. Mert finds Cindy and Julie and prepares to coax them into sex with weed and dildos. He sees Spanky wooing Princess in a hot tub, and so he stomps over there to ask him if he remembers that they had a fuckin' plan. Spanky is clearly smitten, however, so he ditches Mert and funds a cozy bubble bath to make sweet would-be hooker love with Princess. This does not make Mert happy, but, you know, fuck that guy.

Mert gives the girls the horny weed and then rushes off to the bathroom to chub up with a penis pump. Outside, the expected orgy ensues. Will he accidentally mutilate his genitals and miss the whole party? Will Spanky fall in love with Princess and live happily ever after? Will Pinky find a gun in some closet and massacre everybody?

Hey man, it's an 80's style teen sex comedy. Everything works out in the end. Except maybe for that going-down-on-your-sister thing. That's gonna take some therapy.


Sex Pot was shot in 3D, and was released in both 3D and 2D editions. Having watched the standard version, I can't say how the gimmick works, but to director Fosberg's credit, you can't really tell it was shot with a third dimension in mind. There aren't any glaring poky bits. So my guess is that the 3D is pretty subtle. It would be the only subtle thing about the entire film. The very definition of crass, Sex Pot piles on enough filthy language for a dozen South Park episodes. While there's nothing wrong with over-the-top cussing, Sex Pot uses dirty words like a crutch, often mistaking crudity for humor. It's a shame, because this really is a fitfully funny film, and certainly fun to watch. It just could have been a lot funnier with just a modicum of restraint. Just as Animal House had it's half-retarded, potty-mouthed offspring - hello, King Frat - so too does Superbad. Sex Pot is loud, dumb, and ugly, but that's not necessarily a criticism. There are times when loud, dumb, and ugly is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Clip: Sex Pot trailer



- Ken McIntyre

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